Our lives were very different
I was lonely when we first met
A small upstairs apartment
Driving through the darkness to get back home
Before they knew you were even gone
You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think
Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
I miss you so much, a self-inflicted coma
The days drag on like marathons running with bare feet
And when I feel the stress, I'm lonely and depressed
I picture you in the dress you wore four weeks ago
You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think
Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
I know it hurts to feel so all alone
I'm by myself, more then you could know
If only they were all alone...
They were all alone...
Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
Slow down girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
I know it hurts to feel so all alone
I'm by myself, more then you could know
If only they were all alone...
They were all alone...
They were all alone...
They were all alone...
DISCLAIMER!!, This post has no actual topic, It's most likely Gonna be venting
,
haihs, these lyrics... this song actually, has always gotten me through everything. For the past 4 years, everytime i am feeling depressed. AHHH! EMO ALERT.., i listen to this song... for some people it may not mean anything, just words, just a song. To me, this is really what gets me through everything when theres noone else. I always seem to dig my own grave, and it never really gets me far.
People have called me a liar, a bitch, a fuck, pantat, cibai, bangsat... Whatever curse in any language you can find, i have probably been called that.. I am known as All talk No action, or NATO, No action talk only. I guess i have. I've live my life on a daily basis. Literally, i plan for the day and infact on each every day, i do what my mind first tells me to do. This doesn't really get me far. This is probably digressing, but it's just a 'terus terang' or just being 'frank' about who I am and my personality as percieve by others.
I have made to many mistakes in my life, and I am getting tired of thinking on a day to day basis, i really have to say I am tired... And at times like these i wish life has it's reset button.
Back to this song
December by Hawthorne Heights
December, I think, in my own personal opinion, is the most significant month for me.
Fact: December 8th 1990, was the day i was born.
I've always loved celebrating my birthday, ever since i was little... it was an excuse to get all my friends together, and celebrate being a year older. As time went by, friends became less, and so my birthday became less important. Which eventually led to me not caring about my birthday. It became just another day on my calender, and nothing to look foward too.(Sad but true)
December 8th 2007. Yes i thought to myself... I get to meet her... Whom i've been waiting for. HER i said to myself waking up that morning.. It was something to good to be true, something i only saw in movies. The girl i could never tell my feelings towards her for. The girl who's been in my life since i was 12. The girl who whilst being millions of miles away, i dreamt of, only thinking she lives in my dream. Honestly.
My thoughts that morning went all blur, high, light, heavy. filled with emotion and confusion. I was high on something i did not take, something non existent and something which reacted with my body, mind, and even soul instantly..
This high lasted the whole month and beyond even untill this day, no chemical, substance, anything physical can get me this high above the ground. But alas, as we humans were made without wings.. I was destined to fall. Fall fast, Fall hard, Fall flat on my face. Now falling here is ambigious, two separate meanings.
1. The good.
Her hair, her face, her eyes, her body, her voice, her legs, her waist, her ass, her style, her hair tie, her shoes, her pants, her shirt, her laugh, her expressions, her kindness, her shyness, her getting angry, her getting annoyed, and the list, i swear, keeps going. Her everything. Was so imperfectly perfect, amazing, and pure. I was walking through my own dream, because i swear, the journey to meet her took hours for me, while in reality it wasnt that long. My mind exploded with questions of what to say, what to do, what to wear?! Oh my god my mind exploded. And No girl, i can tell you nw, no girl has ever gotten me to care about my appearance, my personality, or to even cared. And she did without having to utter a single word. The day went by perfect, and it was the first perfect day I've ever had.. I never looked at the place the same again... I never looked at my birthday this way ever, and alas, my excitment for my next birthday to come flushes right through me again, a barrage of emotion flowed through me.
At this point in time, i had no emotion, and i couldnt care less!
I kept my cool, my walls still up. I saw her, an angel in human form i swear!.
I fell...
hard.
fast.
flat.
I fell
My walls crumbled with a simple.. Hello.
ever since then, my goal in life was to hear that hello every morning, and to hear that goodbye just before i slept. It was suicide! I knew it was. But I didnt care. Why should i care? It was perfect.
2nd Fall.
This fall was my own fault, i will not go into detail because, at this point on, I've made alot of regrets, and only 3 that i live with everyday. One, is how i treat my parents, Two is how i left anis, the only friend that i've ever trusted fully, and Three, well. That is something I dont want to relive over and over again in my life, but it still does. And will, and forever will. I fell from that high, that emotion, because i made a stupid mistake, something i could never take back, and never forget. I hurt HER. yes HER that girl, that angel, that imperfectly perfect amazingly pure angellic girl. HER!... destroyed the purpose in which i have gotten accustomed to.. that hello, that goodbye.. Protecting her from harm from other people, but in the end, i should have been protecting her from me
And now, every minute that goes by feels like hours, and everyday feels like weeks, and waiting for the next week just feels like its months away. I've been selfish, i tried to get her to forgive me, because i thought i couldnt live without her, and that she can just forgive and forget. I was selfish selfish selfish!.. And now do i finally realize, is not for me to do everything in my power to make ME happy, but is to make HER.. yes HER happy. Be it as a friend, a bestfriend, or more. Now again, people just personalize me as NATO.. (No action Talk only) but, i have to do this. I have too.
I cant make myself sound like a better person, because of how I am percieved by others. But my ego is big, my heart is bigger. My ego is strong, but my heart is fragile. As is everyone elses.
My point of this is, when you love someone, stop trying to convince you love them by fighting for her love back. Convince you love someone, by pushing aside what you want, and starting to give in to what she does.
And maybe you have made this mistake, and made it twice... But i think you just have to live on knowing that she or he will be able to forgive you. And that no matter how many times you made that mistake, the next time, make sure you know you won't again. Make sure you won't. Make sure you won't just make sure you won't...
(NOTE I ALSO HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BE REALLY DISORGANIZE, SO BEAR WITH ME WITH MY WRITING, I AM JUST WRITING ABOUT WHAT I AM FEELING, I DONT KNOW HOW TO ORGANIZE THEM, AS THEY ARE JUMBLED UP)
HIS new goal in life: keep HER happy, keep HIS selfish needs aside.
When there was me and you, which shall remain for me, as you and me
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